Q. I come from a very toxic family system with lots of violence and abuse in it, which an astrologer identified as connected to position of Lilith in my chart. I've done a lot of work on this in myself but can I do anything to stop Lilith and my family's pre disposition to her from encompassing my two girls on their life journey? Or is it already written ...?
A. The first thing to say is that it's not Lilith that is the problem but the distorted and contaminated versions of her energy, as with any other archetype of the dark feminine. Lilith was initially an image of an empowered, independent woman who demanded equality in relationship, who carries good quality assertive, dynamic, passionate, juicy, life-enhancing energy and is also an embodiment of the sacred, serpentine feminine. Magnificent energy, but one often too much for the individual owner and too challenging to the average mortal male. It takes a lot of guts to stay with her whether in oneself or in another and so most of the time she gets disowned, rejected and blamed for causing trouble and this is where the trauma begins. Out of her pain and her rage at being treated so, she becomes the embodiment of the vengeful, destructive feminine, much like the Hindu Kali when dishonoured by the masculine.
In family systems, a strong Lilith line represents generations of potentially powerful women but who mostly handed over their individuality and psychosexual potency for the sake of relationship, security and socially accepted sex roles. (Often though, you'll also get the odd individual who broke away to live their truth but these unique ones usually get "black-sheeped" by the family!) If this goes on unmolested for too many generations, it produces a black hole that haunts the family psyche, leaking out much bitterness, abuse and trauma, while sucking in a lot of the lifeforce leading to depression, despair, mental illnesses and suicidal tendencies. Very, very nasty stuff but it is not her essence!
It's quite a disturbing thought that our babies might also be carriers of this toxic legacy, but if it is true, it will show up in their charts as well (one of the reasons why I'm not too keen on doing baby's charts). When you consider that the eggs that produced your girls were created in your mother's body while your own was forming in her womb, it is more than likely that they also carry the legacy to varying degrees.
However there are profound karmic and psychological reasons for this, in both them and you. While this system is obviously driven by some intense karma, the presence of a strong Lilith (Black Moon, Persephone, Hekate or Medusa) eventually leads to a woman, by necessity, having to face, purge and purify the distorted energies, as part of the journey towards becoming truly empowered individuals. It's a ferociously challenging journey but its better than becoming a victim to the contaminations.
You are already helping your girls by your commitment to healing this in yourself and by re-imaging this sacred part of yourself. This helps to act as a circuit breaker to the old system and offers them powerful modelling that you can change this stuff. It works against the seduction of its corresponding despair, and models behaviour and attitudes that will help them enormously as they go into adulthood and take up the task for themselves. (I sense that it also supports a kind of redemption, for all those generations of women who couldn't stay with the potency of their own sacred feminine.)
Obviously the more you're able to work with and clear in yourself will assist in reducing the load that they have to carry. But they also have their own karma around this, much of which is beyond what you do or don't do. You can help them with any kind of processes and techniques that help release psychic-emotional toxins, such as Reiki, chakra clearing and subtler forms of bodywork, particularly when they appear under some forms of deep stress and emotional reactivity.
As the old system is laced with the residues of unreleased anger and rage, it's good to find ways that encourage non-destructive expression of built up energy so that they can get it out of their own system before it reaches critical mass. The same applies to the expression of the full range of deeper emotions. One of my favourite teachers talks of emotions as "Shaktis" or forms of the spiritual power of the Goddess that need to be honoured and attended to. Ignore them at your peril! Lilith demands and encourages a freedom to feel the full range of human emotions and not to waste energy keeping rejected parts of your emotional self at bay. It is not, as some would like to believe, permission to spew our stuff indiscriminately over others, but an act of great inner courage that is part of the journey towards becoming truly empowered individuals - an empowerment which is as much about our sensitivity and vulnerability as it is about psychosexual potency.
In the long run, a strong Lilith lineage, whether in our charts, our family systems or our past life records, is a calling to, in some way, becoming an agent of the psycho spiritual power of the goddess. And as with any great power, it must be handled with great responsibility. This is what you can model for your girls, as it wouldn't surprise me if the three of you share this life path. This includes eventually being able to create high quality relationships based on true equality and mutual empowerment, something that Lilith had always wanted in the first place!
Daniel Sowelu (BSc Dip Ed) is a therapeutic astrologer, primal therapist and groupleader in his 22nd year of private practice. He is very welcoming of questions of a general nature for the Question and Answers section on this website, so please send to email@example.com For any other general inquiries to Daniel go to www.sacredlawfirm.com.au